Wait A Minute Mr. Postman

So here is what I have decided. It’s not smoking that’s bad for me. It’s the things I see when I’m smoking. You would not believe the private conversations I hear people having on their cell phones. Or the conversations people think I want to have with them just because I’m standing there puffing away. But you really wouldn’t believe the fashion atrocities I have seen! Here is my case in point that helped me come to this conclusion.

Ya know my neighbor Dick? Well, while I was sitting on the front porch smoking, he came out in his bathrobe to get a package the mail man had just delivered. Problem was though, the bathrobe wasn’t tied closed… and he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. So there was Dick in all his glory just flapping in the wind. I lifted my head to say, ‘hey, what’s up?’ but before I could even get the words out, there was my answer for all the world to see. And the douche bag didn’t even bother to hurry to close his robe.

Here’s the other decision I have made. I’ll stop smoking when the worlds starts keeping their private conversations private… along with their privates private. Until then, I’ll be keeping my head down and smoking with headphones and blinders on.

Oh, and I don’t really talk to Dick anymore...