Nose Over Toes

Apparently, when you bend over you should make sure to always bend so that your nose is over your toes. Would you like to know how I know this? Because I would be glad to tell you.

Tuesday I was on my way to work and I sneezed… an incredible pain shot through my lower back (which has been bothering me for a few months). I got to work but was practically paralyzed by the pain so I was stuck in my car… for ten minutes! I managed to get out and hobble into work… all the while looking like I was pinching a loaf because it hurt so bad to walk. By the end of the day the pain had started to subside and I thought I just might survive.

Wednesday morning I woke up and realized I was wrong. I just might not survive. My back was hurting again… and it was bad.

I was standing over my sink trying to figure out how I was going to spit out my toothpaste with out bending over when… I got a nasty bloody nose... and then coughed.

This is where my day went to hell in a hand basket… with a pretty red bow.

The cough made my back totally seize up. As I was falling to the floor and yelling out from the pain all I could think was ‘Try to make it to the closet! You don’t wanna get your pants dirty!’ (I haven’t cleaned for a while so my bathroom floor was dirty.) I made it to my closet floor… where I was stuck for at least twenty minutes…with a bloody nose the whole time.

I was completely stressing out because I had a psychiatrist appointment I HAD to get to!

Finally, after much groaning, and swearing like a sailor, I managed to get my socks on… with my freaking toes (trust me, it’s a lot harder than you’d think) and was even able to get to my car.

I made it to my appointment, but of course… I couldn’t get out of my car! I was almost completely paralyzed from the pain. What the crap was I supposed to do now?? I could not miss this appointment! I was completely out of one of my medications and trust me! It is not an option for me to go without! So I did the only thing I could think of…. I asked my doctor to bring the prescription out to me. And wouldn’t you know it? I have a lot more pull than I thought. You gotta love curbside doctor appointments.

You’d think I’d start to calm down by now but no. I was still totally stressing out. I HAD to get to work to do shipment! The problem though was that shipment involves a lot of bending and moving… I wasn’t able to do any of that so much at the moment.

I called my sister-in-law just knowing that she would know what to do and sure enough…. she saved the day (and saved me from having a panic attack). She was able to get me into an AMAZING doctor.

He told me I have TWO slipped vertebrae and was utterly shocked that I was even able to walk… I didn’t think that what I was doing could actually be called ‘walking’ but whatever. A couple of pushes, pulls and stretches later and ta da! I was standing up… without dropping the F-bomb!

This is where the 'nose over toes' comes in. The doctor gave me a big, long repetitive lecture about how you have to bend nose over toes. He repeated this to me so much though that I was half tempted to shove his toes UP his nose.

He wanted to see me Thursday for a follow up appointment but I was a little hesitant. I had something going on the next day. But I really need to get my back in order so I said ok... and I told him not to be alarmed if I showed up with an eye patch...

I’m going to leave the story there for now… I’ll tell you about the eye patch tomorrow.